"The Hidden Wholeness" Response

During my years as an educator, I have often thought about those days when I taught the same course two or three times and had very different experiences in each class, perhaps two being amazing and one being dreadful. Most times I had just concluded that either that the kids were tired or "it was just that group." I really appreciated Palmer's reflection on his senior seminar and his ability to identify how his strength was also his weakness in both sections. This encouraged me to think about how my gifts have also been a weakness in the classroom.

It is certainly easier to live in black and white, or opposites as Palmer discusses, because it doesn't require us to engage in any way with ourselves or our students. Living in the "gray" does require living in the "tension of opposites" and that doesn't just apply to teaching but to life as well; however, when it applies to the classroom, it can be painful and vulnerable. Dealing with the argumentative students, the silence, the distractions, the everything that wasn't written in our lesson plan can be painful, and I bet that often times, we do look for ways out of the situation, ways to get the class back on track, and ways to mask our vulnerability. This all goes back to the question, "How vulnerable am I willing to be in order to make my class as successful as it can be given my particular talents?"

Culture of Fear-Response

Okay, so where do I start?

1. Palmer writes on page 37, "I should have remembered from my own experience that students, too, are afraid: afraid of failing, of not understanding, of being drawn into issues they would rather avoid, of having their ignorance exposed or their prejudices challenged, of looking foolish in front of their peers. When my students' fears mix with mine, fear multiplies geometrically--and education is paralyzed." Is Palmer writing that fear is the root cause of our failing educational system? Do we live with more fear than 50 years ago?

2. What are these "live encounters" to which Palmer refers? What do these "encounters" look like in practice? I sense what he means, but it's just too vague, or maybe I'm being difficult. Is it simply student-centered learning? How do you communicate to other teachers what these are and how they can create these experiences in their classrooms?

3. "When I ask teachers to name the biggest obstacle to good teaching, the answer I most often hear is 'my students'" (Palmer, 2007, pg. 40). I find it humorous that some teachers put the blame on "the administration" or students' attention span, work ethic, and natural ability, when we hate when students don't take responsibility for their actions, academically and behaviorally. The buck always stops somewhere else, sometimes it is the joint responsibility of the students and administration, and I have been one of those teachers.

4. Palmer discusses that students are marginalized and that we need to hear their voices in order to be better teachers; however, hasn't the "marginalization" of children always been true? Was there a time when students' inner lives were truly appreciated? Why do young people now need to be "liberated" like African Americans or women? Yes, students believing that their ideas have value is critical, but I'm not convinced that the silencing of young people is the cause for a fallen educational system. It's not that I couldn't be convinced, but I need more than this.

I'm completely in favor of teachers being open, revamping their practice, self-reflection, focus on inner landscape, but how do you convince teachers to reflect on their fear and actively work to overcome it? I found myself thinking, "Gosh, do all teachers need therapists?" How can teachers help each other acknowledge or rid themselves of fear? By the way, fear doesn't just affect curriculum, it also dictates how a teacher deals with misbehavior. Don't even get me started on that. That might be more damaging that a poor lesson plan. :)

"The Heart of a Teacher" Response

"We lose heart, in part, because teaching is a daily exercise in vulnerability. I need not reveal personal secrets to feel naked in front of a class. I need only parse a sentence or work a proof on the board while my students doze off or pass notes" (Palmer, 2007, p. 17).

How many of us have experienced at least once, a student in class who was clearly bored to death? Even the most confident teacher, at that moment, rethinks the lesson and questions the manner in which he/she is presenting the information. I completely agree that teaching is an exercise in vulnerability, and I would like to think that if more students understood that, their behavior and performance in class would generally be better. However, teachers must also be equipped with a certain amount of internal toughness as to not be affected by every eye roll, sigh, missing homework assignment, and note pass. There is a limit to how vulnerable you can be as an educator, or it will kill you. There are several people from my credential program several years ago who are no longer teaching. They became offended and discouraged by students' lack of passion for ideas and the subject material. They tried to put the oxygen mask on others before placing the mask on their own face, and they left the profession. Working in a school is a vulnerable, emotionally demanding experience, and educators do need to take measures to protect themselves. There has got to be a careful balance between vulnerability and self-preservation.

"Even the difficult days will ultimately gladden me, because they pose the kinds of problems that can help me grow in a work if it is truly mine" (Palmer, 2007, p. 31).

This quote really spoke to me today, but I'm not sure if I would have received it the same way had I read it last week. So much of this book requires an openness, or a willingness, to view our profession in a different way or revisit what we already believe to be true. If this profession is truly our vocation, every difficult moment will ultimately bring deep satisfaction because we are becoming better at what we do. Every day I learn something new about myself, my school, and my girls through joy and frustration. No day is ever the same as the one before. It's never "same ole, same ole," and that is a gift.

"Introduction" to Palmer's The Courage To Teach

"This book is for teachers who have good days and bad, and whose bad days bring the suffering that comes only from something one loves. It is for teachers who refuse to harden their hearts...(Palmer, 2002, pg. 2)."

Well, "Amen" to that. Every emotion that I experience in my vocation is similar to relationships that I have with friends and family members: pain, frustration, sacrifice, joy, love, forgiveness, and on and on. So many ideas presented in this chapter struck a cord with me because teaching is so incredibly demanding, emotionally, intellectually, and spiritually. Palmer writes on page 2, "As I teach, I project the condition of my soul onto my students, my subject, and our way of being together." My experience today is a perfect example of this. When I went to my fourth period class, the lesson ran smoothly but there was an emotional disconnect with the material because I was tired and preoccupied with other responsibilities. My first thought after class was "Gosh, I wonder what's wrong with my girls today. They didn't seem to be as involved in the conversation as they normally are." I realized that it really had very little to do with them and more to do with me. I had indeed been thinking about how exhausted I was and the many Dean responsibilities that I had to before I left work today. Because I was able to identify that so quickly, my next class was able to make deeper connections with the material, simply because I spent 15 minutes alone during lunch to readjust my thinking.

Palmer writes on page 7, "They do not care what graduate school you attended, who chaired your dissertation committee, or how many books you have written, but they quickly sense whether you are real, and they respond accordingly." Granted my high school students are interested in where I went to school, they really don't respect or want teachers who are emotional disasters or distant aliens. They want teachers who are familiar and comfortable with their inner terrain and have clear boundaries with students. Palmer adds in this chapter that if he can provide any practical tips and tricks to help teachers stay focused and grounded in class, and I can't imagine anything being as healing and centering as regular, deliberate prayer.

Facing the Unfamiliar & Portrait of Possibility-Response

I am a time hoarder. I never have enough time to get what I want to get done, whether personally or professionally. I always could have graded more papers, monitored more students, developed a major crisis response drill for the students, called more friends or even my mom. Even though I could feel guilty about being a time hoarder, I actually think it helps to keep me focused and a bit uncomfortable because I'm always finding new ways to grow as a person, personally and professionally; and, the stress of being successful in personal relationships and/or work can add to this need to be a time hoarder. It does keep me vulnerable, however, and available to my students. Vulnerability does require accepting that we do not have all the answers nor do we always need to be right. Teachers and administrators can fall victim to this out of a need to project strength and not weakness; unfortunately, this leads to being ineffective with faculty, students, and parents.

In the reading, Durka comments that most people would probably pick neighbors, family members, siblings, or friends when asked to name two people who have been the most important teachers in their life, and those same people would list character traits to explain their choices. Well, I probably would pick a family member, but I would also pick several school teachers along the way. I would choose them because of who they were (compassionate, patient, faith-filled, strong) and not necessarily what they taught. The emotional and spiritual makeup of an educator is a large part of why someone is successful in a school, and those who were meant to work with students were given certain traits. Being an educator can be a choice, but it's really a calling. Someone's effectiveness in a school is based on that difference.

Teaching Wisely and Morally--Response

I enjoyed reading these chapters because it addressed a really important, yet basic, but difficult part of teaching, which is this idea that teaching material alone is not enough; we must appeal to and take interest in the soul of a student. As stated in the book, "Instead schools should offer students the means of authentic thought and allow them to take in the truth inwardly and not simply superficially" (Durka, 2002, p. 40). Creating an atmosphere open to dialogue, providing opportunities for intuitive/creative thought, and ensuring basic boundaries of respect encourage students to be willing to take risks with the information and apply the information to their own personal experiences. I found it refreshing to be reminded that we must never lose focus of "the broader educational goal we share with our students: the enhancement of life" (Durka, 2002, p. 41). After reading both chapters, I find this idea to be both beautiful, and a bit overwhelming, that in every thing that we do, both spoken and unspoken, that we are always shaping the students with whom we come into contact.

In "Teaching Morally," Durka (2002) writes, "...the teacher should never directly tell students what is right or wrong; instead, students should be left to discover "values" on their own...the result is moral relativism. Students deserve better" (p. 53). I laughed when I read this excerpt because I was reminded of a comment one of my seniors made in Religion class a couple of weeks ago. I asked the class how we come to know what is right and wrong, and a student responded with "I think everyone should worry about him/herself and not be concerned with anyone else." I responded, "So, you live on an island unto yourself?" She said, "Yeah, I guess." I responded again with, "Yeah, until you get hit by a drunk driver and then you realize that not only are we interconnected, but that person's values to which you paid no mind or had little concern for, has just impacted your life. " Ha! I laugh again in thinking about it, but teenagers are such natural relativists. If we leave them to discover values on their own, their ideas will never be challenged. Morals and parables, and other types of stories, are effective ways of communicating values and beliefs because students need these opportunities, or touchstones, to see and question the belief or value in action because of their limited life experience. Educators, particularly at Catholic schools, must be comfortable discussing and defending their values and beliefs because students bring these ideas into every classroom and activity, irregardless of subject matter. Often times, students want to be challenged in this way, even if they initially find it upsetting.

Durka--Teaching Courageously and Creatively Response

When I was in the ninth grade, I failed an Algebra test in Mr. Gordon's class. Devastated, I put my head down on the desk and began to weep quietly. While he was helping someone who sat behind me, he heard me sniffle, which prompted him to comfort me in the middle of class. From that point on, he always made himself available to me, resulting in an A in the class. I have never forgotten that moment, and as a teacher, I carry that moment with me.

These chapters opened up an important idea to me that I leave behind or fail to honor at times. As courageous as educators must be, I believe I fail to honor how courageous it is to be a student. Every day, we are demanding that they take risks--to share their opinion, to share their faith in God, to share a practice Math answer, to run for student government, to ask for help in class, or seek us out after class. Sylvia Ashton-Warner's success came from her courage to teach creatively, which in turn inspired her students to be courageous in the learning process. My Algebra teacher could have ignored my reaction to the test, but he showed compassion. His compassion inspired me to seek him out for help for the rest of the semester; his courage helped me to be courageous.

In the readings, Maxine Greene encourages educators "to look at things as if they could be otherwise." As a Catholic educator, it is our mission to approach our students, our school community, and our world with this attitude. If we are truly shaping God's world, we must hold onto this hope that what we are doing fulfills a greater purpose than what can be immediately measured. When we lose track of this, we do become like the graduate's student father. I wonder what happened to him that made him that way. I wonder what has happened to the teachers and administrators who I have met over the years that are "stuck in time". I pray that I will have the self-awareness to know if that is happening to me.